WebKittyn Warbles
Sunday, May 04, 2008
I’m Back
I'm home from the hospital now.
After:
eight weeks
13 roommates
4 surgeries
50 stitches
3 MRIs
3 CAT Scans
56 meals accompanied by tasteless rice and gravy
and a whole lot more, I am home. My first day alone in 8 weeks.
What a trip.
After:
eight weeks
13 roommates
4 surgeries
50 stitches
3 MRIs
3 CAT Scans
56 meals accompanied by tasteless rice and gravy
and a whole lot more, I am home. My first day alone in 8 weeks.
What a trip.
Friday, March 07, 2008
From the Depths of the Muck, It Warbles
No, I'm not dead. Sorry to disappoint but there remains some life in me.
Don't expect much from this entry, I'm feeling crappy and it won't be nearly as long as it should be but I wanted to let people know I'm not dead. It's just all different now. Everything has changed, I've changed. What was my life is no more and the person I was while I lived that life has also ceased to exist. It took nearly losing my dad (we're still not out of the water), my own near death experiences, surgery, 16 days in the hospital and all the rest of it I'll eventually write about to to make me understand a few things and with that understanding came changes in who I am.
Kingston Hospital is not a place I would recommend. There are a few great nurses but overall it's a bad place. Doping people up on so many meds they don't know what day it is instead of finding out what's wrong is not the best philosophy. Absentee doctors and nurses who think they're doctors don't help. Surgery that ends up being unnecessary? Painful. Doctors that are so fat they waddle when they walk and verbally insult patients in rooms full of people? Ugh. You get the picture. Consider yourself warned. If you ever get sick in the mid-Hudson Valley, go to Benedictine Hospital instead.
Wait, don't let us forget allowing patients to damn near kill themselves by controlling their own IV morphine pump the night they get out of surgery isn't smart.
I have a lot of people I need to thank eventually. Darkstar's been great with the updates and he was there for me for the entire ordeal. Cyli got all the dork bloggers to leave comments and she was a better friend than some of my real-world friends. All the amazing people who sent stuff in the hospital, I was completely blown away. The woman who delivered the stuff told me she couldn't believe how many cards and gifts I received and every one meant the world to me as did the phone calls.
It's been a rough month since I got out of Kingdom Hospital. My legs seem to have stopped working whilst I was doped up in there. When I first came home I could hardly walk at all, when I got in the house the first thing I did was fall on the floor and have to crawl to the bed. My second night home I decided to take a bath and got stuck in the tub for 2 hours. No matter how hard I tried I could not pick myself up, I thought I was going to have to be rescued (naked) by the Red Hook Fire Department but eventually I crawled onto the bathroom floor, into some clothes and to bed. Every step still hurts and I've fallen more than a few times but I can pick myself up now at least.
I have no idea what the hell caused this but I'm determined to beat it. Every day I make myself walk a little more or do something different to re-gain my strength. Scary shit.
They sent me home with 13 prescriptions, some of which I didn't need. I don't have high cholesterol or high blood pressure but they had me taking Lipitor and TWO blood pressure meds my new doctor up here immediately took me off. The Prednisone they put me on for the sarcodosis I don't have bloated my cheeks and messed me up as well, that too is no more and when the Prednisone stopped, so did the high blood sugar. I knew I wasn't a diabetic.
There's been a whole lot of other stuff as well but I'm saving it for future posts or I'll be here forever. I may even start up a sub-blog on the domain just to tell the whole story and how it impacted my mind and my body, it's a hell of a story.
My dad is currently at the rehab center, he almost died more than once and the fact that he's there and they're predicting he WILL come home is a testament to his strength. It's going to be a long haul, he is not a well man but this place is good and he is making progress.
If you'll excuse me, I'm feeling that 'oh bugger I'm going to puke again' feeling and I don't move to the bathroom very quickly these days,
I'll be back, since I'm not dead and all.
Don't expect much from this entry, I'm feeling crappy and it won't be nearly as long as it should be but I wanted to let people know I'm not dead. It's just all different now. Everything has changed, I've changed. What was my life is no more and the person I was while I lived that life has also ceased to exist. It took nearly losing my dad (we're still not out of the water), my own near death experiences, surgery, 16 days in the hospital and all the rest of it I'll eventually write about to to make me understand a few things and with that understanding came changes in who I am.
Kingston Hospital is not a place I would recommend. There are a few great nurses but overall it's a bad place. Doping people up on so many meds they don't know what day it is instead of finding out what's wrong is not the best philosophy. Absentee doctors and nurses who think they're doctors don't help. Surgery that ends up being unnecessary? Painful. Doctors that are so fat they waddle when they walk and verbally insult patients in rooms full of people? Ugh. You get the picture. Consider yourself warned. If you ever get sick in the mid-Hudson Valley, go to Benedictine Hospital instead.
Wait, don't let us forget allowing patients to damn near kill themselves by controlling their own IV morphine pump the night they get out of surgery isn't smart.
I have a lot of people I need to thank eventually. Darkstar's been great with the updates and he was there for me for the entire ordeal. Cyli got all the dork bloggers to leave comments and she was a better friend than some of my real-world friends. All the amazing people who sent stuff in the hospital, I was completely blown away. The woman who delivered the stuff told me she couldn't believe how many cards and gifts I received and every one meant the world to me as did the phone calls.
It's been a rough month since I got out of Kingdom Hospital. My legs seem to have stopped working whilst I was doped up in there. When I first came home I could hardly walk at all, when I got in the house the first thing I did was fall on the floor and have to crawl to the bed. My second night home I decided to take a bath and got stuck in the tub for 2 hours. No matter how hard I tried I could not pick myself up, I thought I was going to have to be rescued (naked) by the Red Hook Fire Department but eventually I crawled onto the bathroom floor, into some clothes and to bed. Every step still hurts and I've fallen more than a few times but I can pick myself up now at least.
I have no idea what the hell caused this but I'm determined to beat it. Every day I make myself walk a little more or do something different to re-gain my strength. Scary shit.
They sent me home with 13 prescriptions, some of which I didn't need. I don't have high cholesterol or high blood pressure but they had me taking Lipitor and TWO blood pressure meds my new doctor up here immediately took me off. The Prednisone they put me on for the sarcodosis I don't have bloated my cheeks and messed me up as well, that too is no more and when the Prednisone stopped, so did the high blood sugar. I knew I wasn't a diabetic.
There's been a whole lot of other stuff as well but I'm saving it for future posts or I'll be here forever. I may even start up a sub-blog on the domain just to tell the whole story and how it impacted my mind and my body, it's a hell of a story.
My dad is currently at the rehab center, he almost died more than once and the fact that he's there and they're predicting he WILL come home is a testament to his strength. It's going to be a long haul, he is not a well man but this place is good and he is making progress.
If you'll excuse me, I'm feeling that 'oh bugger I'm going to puke again' feeling and I don't move to the bathroom very quickly these days,
I'll be back, since I'm not dead and all.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Pre Surgery for Me
Tomorrow I am going to be cut open by pairs of hands I have never felt and putting the trust of my exposed lung in a man I have never said more than 5 words to. Tomorrow my life will literally hang in the hands of one surgeon and one anesthesiologist as he goes in under my breast enough to take enough to give the lung guy, kidney guy, heart guy and disease guy each a piece.
There will be something sticking out from my lung for 24 hours doing the breathing for the lung. There will be discomfort, pain, heavy levels of narcotics and then the agonisiingly scary wait for results
When I was a child my dad had his spleen out. He was all brave and crap until he went into surgery and in his Book of Motmom he kept with him, we found his fears gently written in words of love to his family = just in case.
These are mine = just in case.
My mother - You dont like to believe you are strong but you are the backbone of the family. I could never hope to be 1/11111 of the mother and wife you have been. You deserved better than I. I remember when you used to sing You Are my
Sunshine to me as a child. I remember every wonderful thing you ever did for me and if things go wrong. this is entirely on me. There isnt a person in the world who could want or hope for a better and more loving mother/
My father. - I know all so well how you would be right here with me if you werent fighting your own battle. I could see the uyworry in your eyes tonight and it gutted me as you were stuck in your own room.; My whole life you have been my teacher, sparring partner, rescuer from camp and I remember the hugs and choruses of daddys little girl. I've let you down so much, daddy. ALl Id ask is one last chance to make you proud but if I dont get it plesdr know you were always the man no other man ever came close to.
Dale - never in 24 years has there been a best friend like yourself. How much you have selflessly given and done while asking for so little. I have let you down in many ways as well and perhaps you have always been deserving of a better best friend. Ive never really told you how much respect I have for your brain, talent, skewed way of thinking and warm generous heart. I love you bud, sorry I wasnt a better Bunky.
Templeton my rat cat.. I promised you you would never know sadness and lonelinesss as a cat. You came ftom a beginning of fear and mistrust and hurt, I swore you would never know anything but happiness., If something happens, I SWEAR to you Grandma will give you that home. You savcd me when Claude died, I love you my Tempy.
Ishnael, I'm sorry you came around to late. You are w wonderful loving kitten I think grandma already loves and you will never know a day of sadness.
Grandma Ruth, Grandpa Irv, Great-Grandma Mary, Babara and Doris.. I guess I am also in your hands tomorrow. I hope youve found the peace to forgive me for the selfish and disgusting person I was in my teens. I wish I could show you each how much Ive learned over the years. I ask for your guidance coming through this so I may make my father proud at least one more time and show my mother that she is truly the greatest person in the world. I treated all of you with no respect and I wish I could have that time back now.
Claudie and Catsby, as much as I love you two I'm not ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge to Everest yet.
And now with much love, fear, guilt, regret, hope and pain I shall post this, these last words of mine for January 25th 2007.
before my body is invaded my hands and tools.
I love all of you so fucking much.
There will be something sticking out from my lung for 24 hours doing the breathing for the lung. There will be discomfort, pain, heavy levels of narcotics and then the agonisiingly scary wait for results
When I was a child my dad had his spleen out. He was all brave and crap until he went into surgery and in his Book of Motmom he kept with him, we found his fears gently written in words of love to his family = just in case.
These are mine = just in case.
My mother - You dont like to believe you are strong but you are the backbone of the family. I could never hope to be 1/11111 of the mother and wife you have been. You deserved better than I. I remember when you used to sing You Are my
Sunshine to me as a child. I remember every wonderful thing you ever did for me and if things go wrong. this is entirely on me. There isnt a person in the world who could want or hope for a better and more loving mother/
My father. - I know all so well how you would be right here with me if you werent fighting your own battle. I could see the uyworry in your eyes tonight and it gutted me as you were stuck in your own room.; My whole life you have been my teacher, sparring partner, rescuer from camp and I remember the hugs and choruses of daddys little girl. I've let you down so much, daddy. ALl Id ask is one last chance to make you proud but if I dont get it plesdr know you were always the man no other man ever came close to.
Dale - never in 24 years has there been a best friend like yourself. How much you have selflessly given and done while asking for so little. I have let you down in many ways as well and perhaps you have always been deserving of a better best friend. Ive never really told you how much respect I have for your brain, talent, skewed way of thinking and warm generous heart. I love you bud, sorry I wasnt a better Bunky.
Templeton my rat cat.. I promised you you would never know sadness and lonelinesss as a cat. You came ftom a beginning of fear and mistrust and hurt, I swore you would never know anything but happiness., If something happens, I SWEAR to you Grandma will give you that home. You savcd me when Claude died, I love you my Tempy.
Ishnael, I'm sorry you came around to late. You are w wonderful loving kitten I think grandma already loves and you will never know a day of sadness.
Grandma Ruth, Grandpa Irv, Great-Grandma Mary, Babara and Doris.. I guess I am also in your hands tomorrow. I hope youve found the peace to forgive me for the selfish and disgusting person I was in my teens. I wish I could show you each how much Ive learned over the years. I ask for your guidance coming through this so I may make my father proud at least one more time and show my mother that she is truly the greatest person in the world. I treated all of you with no respect and I wish I could have that time back now.
Claudie and Catsby, as much as I love you two I'm not ready to cross the Rainbow Bridge to Everest yet.
And now with much love, fear, guilt, regret, hope and pain I shall post this, these last words of mine for January 25th 2007.
before my body is invaded my hands and tools.
I love all of you so fucking much.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
TB and ME!
Dig this, this is hard to beat.
I had the worst night Thursday night. Was up all night in agony. I finally gave up yesterday morning and went to the ER at Kingston Hospital were my dad is.
We gpt there at 10 and they pretty much went to town. They took an unglodly amount of blood, leaving the thing in me for later use.
I had an EKG. I had a CAT scan. I had blood drawn from my arterey to check blood gasses. I had chest x-rays, heart x-rays...
Somewhere around 7 pm they came in to tell me not only was I being admitted, I had the honour of going into a private 'isolation' room with special venting and requiring all visitors and staff to wear masks, gloves and gowns.
Why?
They believe I have .....................
Get ready.....
Tuberculosis.
Excuse me? I didn't even think people GOT TB anymore.
They gave me this test, it's a shot of some shit under the skin and if it's positive it's supposed to swell up bad. I'm tempted to get a black pen and write TB in big letters over the infection site.
Seems I have water on my lungs as well.
Meanwhile my dad is down at the other end of the floor with the non-contaminated people.
I should be terrified but the people in this place are really amazing. The Dr. who just drew the arterial blood had been in to visit me a few times and everyone looks silly in a yellow gown.
It is a tad lonely even though the wifi helps a lot. If anyone wants to call me, best time is after 5, the number is 845 331 3131 Room 309A. Incoming calls only run till 9 so if you want to leave me your number I can call later.
Under all the bravado I'm pretty fucken terrified so support is nice. Don't be like me, don't think just because all seems well on the outside that all is well on the inside.
My mother just got here. I'll be back.
I had the worst night Thursday night. Was up all night in agony. I finally gave up yesterday morning and went to the ER at Kingston Hospital were my dad is.
We gpt there at 10 and they pretty much went to town. They took an unglodly amount of blood, leaving the thing in me for later use.
I had an EKG. I had a CAT scan. I had blood drawn from my arterey to check blood gasses. I had chest x-rays, heart x-rays...
Somewhere around 7 pm they came in to tell me not only was I being admitted, I had the honour of going into a private 'isolation' room with special venting and requiring all visitors and staff to wear masks, gloves and gowns.
Why?
They believe I have .....................
Get ready.....
Tuberculosis.
Excuse me? I didn't even think people GOT TB anymore.
They gave me this test, it's a shot of some shit under the skin and if it's positive it's supposed to swell up bad. I'm tempted to get a black pen and write TB in big letters over the infection site.
Seems I have water on my lungs as well.
Meanwhile my dad is down at the other end of the floor with the non-contaminated people.
I should be terrified but the people in this place are really amazing. The Dr. who just drew the arterial blood had been in to visit me a few times and everyone looks silly in a yellow gown.
It is a tad lonely even though the wifi helps a lot. If anyone wants to call me, best time is after 5, the number is 845 331 3131 Room 309A. Incoming calls only run till 9 so if you want to leave me your number I can call later.
Under all the bravado I'm pretty fucken terrified so support is nice. Don't be like me, don't think just because all seems well on the outside that all is well on the inside.
My mother just got here. I'll be back.
TB and ME!
Dig this, this is hard to beat.
I had the worst night Thursday night. Was up all night in agony. I finally gave up yesterday morning and went to the ER at Kingston Hospital were my dad is.
We gpt there at 10 and they pretty much went to town. They took an unglodly amount of blood, leaving the thing in me for later use.
I had an EKG. I had a CAT scan. I had blood drawn from my arterey to check blood gasses. I had chest x-rays, heart x-rays...
Somewhere around 7 pm they came in to tell me not only was I being admitted, I had the honour of going into a private 'isolation' room with special venting and requiring all visitors and staff to wear masks, gloves and gowns.
Why?
They believe I have .....................
Get ready.....
Tuberculosis.
Excuse me? I didn't even think people GOT TB anymore.
They gave me this test, it's a shot of some shit under the skin and if it's positive it's supposed to swell up bad. I'm tempted to get a black pen and write TB in big letters over the infection site.
Seems I have water on my lungs as well.
Meanwhile my dad is down at the other end of the floor with the non-contaminated people.
I should be terrified but the people in this place are really amazing. The Dr. who just drew the arterial blood had been in to visit me a few times and everyone looks silly in a yellow gown.
It is a tad lonely even though the wifi helps a lot. If anyone wants to call me, best time is after 5, the number is 845 331 3131 Room 309A. Incoming calls only run till 9 so if you want to leave me your number I can call later.
Don't visit, no one can come in here anyway in contamination land but hell, a card is always nice! (grins)
Under all the bravado I'm pretty fucken terrified so support is nice. Don't be like me, don't think just because all seems well on the outside that all is well on the inside.
My mother just got here. I'll be back.
I had the worst night Thursday night. Was up all night in agony. I finally gave up yesterday morning and went to the ER at Kingston Hospital were my dad is.
We gpt there at 10 and they pretty much went to town. They took an unglodly amount of blood, leaving the thing in me for later use.
I had an EKG. I had a CAT scan. I had blood drawn from my arterey to check blood gasses. I had chest x-rays, heart x-rays...
Somewhere around 7 pm they came in to tell me not only was I being admitted, I had the honour of going into a private 'isolation' room with special venting and requiring all visitors and staff to wear masks, gloves and gowns.
Why?
They believe I have .....................
Get ready.....
Tuberculosis.
Excuse me? I didn't even think people GOT TB anymore.
They gave me this test, it's a shot of some shit under the skin and if it's positive it's supposed to swell up bad. I'm tempted to get a black pen and write TB in big letters over the infection site.
Seems I have water on my lungs as well.
Meanwhile my dad is down at the other end of the floor with the non-contaminated people.
I should be terrified but the people in this place are really amazing. The Dr. who just drew the arterial blood had been in to visit me a few times and everyone looks silly in a yellow gown.
It is a tad lonely even though the wifi helps a lot. If anyone wants to call me, best time is after 5, the number is 845 331 3131 Room 309A. Incoming calls only run till 9 so if you want to leave me your number I can call later.
Don't visit, no one can come in here anyway in contamination land but hell, a card is always nice! (grins)
Under all the bravado I'm pretty fucken terrified so support is nice. Don't be like me, don't think just because all seems well on the outside that all is well on the inside.
My mother just got here. I'll be back.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Too Sick to Post
Look. A cute cat.
Some Slack, Please
Yes yes, look at the date and time. Seems I botched it tonight or I can say hey, it's not midnight yet on the west coast.
Tomorrow is not going to be fun.
My dad has to have a colonoscopy and I think I'm finally giving in and going to the ER to find out what the hell is wrong with me, it's been almost three weeks and I keep getting worse. Unless I chicken out again.
I've lost 19 pounds since December, I just can't eat anything.
So forgive me for missing the 12am deadline, I'll make up for it.
Tomorrow is not going to be fun.
My dad has to have a colonoscopy and I think I'm finally giving in and going to the ER to find out what the hell is wrong with me, it's been almost three weeks and I keep getting worse. Unless I chicken out again.
I've lost 19 pounds since December, I just can't eat anything.
So forgive me for missing the 12am deadline, I'll make up for it.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Another Day
Puke.
Pass out.
Post.
Puke.
Pass out.
Pass out.
Post.
Puke.
Pass out.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Flu for Two and Two for Flu (update time)
Remember back a hundred years ago when my dad first went into ICU and he was diagnosed with the bad sort of flu that ignores the shot? Guess what I got! Thanks, dad.
I've been feeling pretty awful for two weeks now. Started feeling bad 3 weeks ago but the past two weeks and been horrible. Some of it I chalked up to the chronic bronchitis mixed with the stress. Crippling headache, neck pains that made me howl they hurt so much, throwing up, exhaustion, leg pains, shortness of breath.
Past 4 days or so it was so bad I couldn't walk from one room to the other without panting like a hyperventilating dog and having to sit down. I could breathe alright if I was sitting up but forget about getting horizontal. I would fall asleep for a few minutes and SHOOT up awake and unable to breathe deep. It's the scariest thing I've ever felt.
Diagnosis? Big bad nasty FLU. I don't want to eat, I don't want to move, I just want to sleep and whine about how crappy I feel. Right now I've got:
Badly blurred vision
Dizzyness
Nausea
Fever of 101.6
Stuffed chest
Neckache
Meanwhile.,.,
My father had a blood transfusion last night, 3 pints (maybe it was quarts, I'm unsure). He was so dangerously low on potassium the other night he was a hair away from a heart attack. The transfusion seems to have perked him up and the Dr. said the MSRA was 'colonized.'
He probably should have gone to Kingston Hospital first, this place seems bigger and more urban. He's not in ICU, they have a regular respiratory ward and vents are welcome.
I can't even go see him, that's the hardest part.
Right now sitting up to type this has taken the last bit of wind out of my sails. I'm going to try and get horizontal or try and make myself cough up some nasty phlegm. I'm such a sexy beast!
Ugh.
I've been feeling pretty awful for two weeks now. Started feeling bad 3 weeks ago but the past two weeks and been horrible. Some of it I chalked up to the chronic bronchitis mixed with the stress. Crippling headache, neck pains that made me howl they hurt so much, throwing up, exhaustion, leg pains, shortness of breath.
Past 4 days or so it was so bad I couldn't walk from one room to the other without panting like a hyperventilating dog and having to sit down. I could breathe alright if I was sitting up but forget about getting horizontal. I would fall asleep for a few minutes and SHOOT up awake and unable to breathe deep. It's the scariest thing I've ever felt.
Diagnosis? Big bad nasty FLU. I don't want to eat, I don't want to move, I just want to sleep and whine about how crappy I feel. Right now I've got:
Badly blurred vision
Dizzyness
Nausea
Fever of 101.6
Stuffed chest
Neckache
Meanwhile.,.,
My father had a blood transfusion last night, 3 pints (maybe it was quarts, I'm unsure). He was so dangerously low on potassium the other night he was a hair away from a heart attack. The transfusion seems to have perked him up and the Dr. said the MSRA was 'colonized.'
He probably should have gone to Kingston Hospital first, this place seems bigger and more urban. He's not in ICU, they have a regular respiratory ward and vents are welcome.
I can't even go see him, that's the hardest part.
Right now sitting up to type this has taken the last bit of wind out of my sails. I'm going to try and get horizontal or try and make myself cough up some nasty phlegm. I'm such a sexy beast!
Ugh.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
FLU?
Flu.
<-- Steal me!
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