Sunday, December 16, 2007

Damn It, I Said Something GOOD.

He had to have a spinal tap today and I won't get to see him until tomorrow night. This is killing me, I was counting on being there in the morning but I got screwed.

The trach took. He's down to 75% with 95 breathing level which is good but he's got elevated white cells and a fever they can't figure out. I guess that's what the tap was for. They had to sedate him fully after it, he was moaning in obvious pain. He was trying to talk, it makes a gurgling sound I need to get used to.

Up, down, up, down. I can feel my strength and my sanity fading and last night / tonight's slap in the face did not help, it was like the final push off the edge of the cliff.

Now I can't even see him until late tomorrow when he's back under full sedation. It's rather cruel.

My mother cried a lot today, more than she has in a week. I bit yet another hole in my cheek trying to keep dry-eyed.

They still haven't done the second surgery for the PEG, not with the fever. Which means his move to rehab will be put off even longer.

I'm just having a really hard time with all of it tonight. I didn't drink any pineapple rum, I didn't take a valium. I don't want to numb myself with a crutch but I admit, I'm not dealing well. I think I threw up 6 times today from nerves.

I feel another cry coming on.

1. Heather, I’m so sorry to hear about this, I can’t imagine how you’re doing, I’m not even going to lie. I’ve been thinking of you a lot this week and especially since this bad weather started.

   As I’ve said, I’m not especially “religious” or spiritual, but you and your parents are in my thoughts.

   I can relate to being strong in front of others and then crying on your own.
   Keep it together as long as you can, and don’t let your own health get worse. I’m concerned about you.  I know we’ve not been close in a long time, but know that I care.

   Wish I could think of something more comforting to say, but I really do care.

   Joe

    on  12/17  at  01:45 AM

2. You and your family are in out hearts and thoughts kittyn.  The road to recovery is a hard one, take it from a cancer patient.  Things are hard to deal with some times, but they get better.

    on  12/17  at  06:24 PM

3. My friend,
   I’ve checked every day to see updates. Please know that I’m praying as much as possible. I even have the good ladies at my temp job praying for Chuck. They don’t know him, but they’re just that way.

   Remember, if you’re sick, you can’t be there for your mom or your dad. Take care of yourself too.

   Mare  on  12/18  at  12:06 AM

4. I’m still praying for you and yours.

   (((HUGS)))

   Andrea  on  12/18  at  07:24 AM

5. I hope things are okay (or as okay as they can be currently.) Haven’t heard from you in a couple of days now.

   (hugs)

   YummY!  on  12/20  at  04:08 PM

6. Dear Friend,

   I know it’s redundant and cliché, but you need to keep the rest of sanity and strength and save it...for your sake and for your mom and dad. “Be strong” would sound so stupid right now but I really can’t express what’s going through my head right now, about all this, in words.
   As someone mentioned before, I’m not such a big “believer” but I’m praying for him. Praying and hoping for the best is all I can pick out of my thick head right now…

   No one should ever go through what you’re going...for any reason.

    on  12/24  at  05:40 PM

7. Dearest Kitten, you and your family have been in our thoughts and prayers.  During this difficult time, it is our hope that the strength of loved ones around you can hold you with their thoughts and prayers.  Remember that there are people who care about you and are thinking about you—please do not hesitate to ask if ever you need anything.  My heart and my tears are with you.

   Nicki  on  12/25  at  11:11 AM

8. I’m still here. I’m still praying. I’m still hoping. I’m still wishing. I’m here if you need me. I’m here if you don’t. I’m here.

   Mare  on  12/26  at  01:56 AM

9. i went through something similar this past summer when i lost my father. i wish i had something more positive to say other than hang in there, but that’s really all you can do.

   take care.

   copygodd  on  12/27  at  12:11 AM
Page 1 of 1 pages

Name:

Email:

Location:

URL:

Smileys

Remember my personal information

Notify me of follow-up comments?