WebKittyn Warbles
Friday, June 16, 2006
Hello Shadows
My head is not in a great place right now.
I blew off my dad tonight. He called to chat and I was doing the show and I blew him off. It didn't bother me at the time but after the rest of the night, it bothers me now. I think talking to Michael last night has got me reflective of my life and the people the most important to me. No more blowing off my dad. My mind works in extreme ways, I'll sit here all night and be haunted by 'what if that call you blew off was the last call you ever got..' It's morbid as Hell, I know it is. That's how my stupid mind works though and that's not likely to change. It's easy to forget what's really important in the day to day. I work so freakin' hard not to lose sight but I fail a lot. It's only been 5 years, have I forgotten what 9/11 taught me already, there isn't always a tomorrow.
That bottle of Strega is looking mighty good right now but that would be exactly the wrong reason to open it. So instead of drinking it I'll chain-smoke and sit here like some smug hypocrite who didn't give in. Nice.
It's not just blowing my dad off, the end of the night wasn't pretty. Fallout is never pretty. I think a few things changed forever tonight.
I miss Claudie so damn much. It was 4 months last week, I'm still waiting for it to get easier. Whenever it got like this I always knew I had Claudie to scoop up and cry on and he would bite me for my efforts. I really miss that cat, he was my strength in so many ways. I never felt alone with Claudie around. Not lonely, alone.
I'm not sure what's ahead in the immediate future. I know two things. It's either going to be beyond comprehension good or beyond mediocrity bad. Given all that's up for ante here, there's no way it can rest comfortably in the middle. That sucks. Tonight was not encouraging.
This is one of those moments I envy those whose only concern in life is looking for a man! I'll trade, mine involves a 24 hour Mobil-mart and the constant smell of wieners. Of course if it goes the first way then you'll have a great life sans wieners.
It's not all gloom and doom (not Doom) though. My dino-zilla egg is just about hatched all the way. I want to name it. I know what I want to name it but his paranoia and mine had a meeting and I'd feel like I was betraying a confidence every time I referred to the little guy (dino-zilla, not the namesake). Maybe I'll do a "Name the dino-zilla" contest on the show with a 2007 serial killer calendar as the prize.
Laugh? Cry? Laugh some more? Cry some more? I'm confused, I can't pick the right one to stay with.
I got a few new movies today. I think I'm going to go watch this one.
"Those who wish to be
Must put aside the alienation
Get on with the fascination
The real relation
The underlying theme"
-
My mind is one of the ‘what if that’s the last chance I had to talk to my dad?’ kind...I’m sorry that your head is as screwy as mine. :(
If I were the huggy type, I’d give you one.And I think I want to kick that sweetbarbie’s ass. Bitch.
Hey, that movie you’re going to watch has Grizzly Adams in it! Cool.
aka_monty on 06/16 at 12:24 PM -
Sorry to hear all that, I’m hoping todays stalking of golfers cheers you up.
I’ll second Monty on the sweetbarbie thing. Bitch.
on 06/16 at 12:41 PM -
WOW, I need a drink after that post. I’m watching Harry Potter 3 tonight, wanna come over for wine and movies? ;oD
Mike on 06/16 at 05:09 PM -
Mike -Wine and Harry Potter and good company sounds purrfect.
Monty - thank you for making me laugh.
Meathe - Stay out of the Rhodians.
WebKittyn on 06/16 at 09:58 PM -
Holy Shit.
You do one Volume of SBR and now you are down in the dumps.
Now you really understand How I feel!But seriously, feel better sweetie.
jeckles on 06/17 at 09:10 PM
<-- Steal me!
