WebKittyn Warbles
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Late Night Free Flow Thinking
I am officially confuzzled at this point. Tonight was a strange night, left me confuzzled. Not just tonight, strange things going on lately and not much is making sense.
It's not bad stuff though, for the most part. Maybe a few things I've done wrong but not major screw ups and maybe a few incorrect decisions but nothing bad bad.
Just strange. One of those nights that makes you wonder if the foundations you've been building might not be somewhat off.
(non-sense-making warbling continues inside) Maybe it's them that are blind. I'm a certified head case if ever there was one.
Life is like a child's learning box, I keep trying to get the damn square block in the triangle hole and it doesn't work. But the triangle block isn't the one I grab for, it has to be the square block and over and over I try.
I've got so much but how much of it is really worth anything? I've got so many people but how many of them really take the time to explore me? Yes, I know that sounds crude but this is my warble and I didn't intend for crude so the heck with it. Explore the mind. I can't remember the last time anyone told me how wondrous they thought my mind was and at the same time really tried to get to know it.
(Matt, you're not included in this, you're off the hook. You always ask, you always read, you're always there. I only wish to be the same for you now)
I don't really feel close to anyone right now and that bothers me. Not romantic close, I'm in a whole different place. I've always cared more about having a 'right hand man' than a love, there's always been a Spock or a Kirk or a Batman or a Robin or even a Laurel or Hardy. That one person who could hear it all without judging and whom I could trust with my life, the person who finishes the sentence, who knows where I'm going before I go there.
I've always had this, always. I wasn't always the Kirk, I actually prefer being Spock (John Gomez comes to mind). I don't have this now and it's the first time I can remember not having this. It perplexes me.
Tonight I had some stuff in my stuffy head I needed to sort through with that person in that spot but there was no one in the chair. Weird. Again, not bad but different and strange. I don't have enough faith in my own judgment to make the decisions without counsel.
Or maybe that's the message.
Curse those dang life lessons, I thought those ended on the over-side of 30!
Feh! Feh, I say. Feh!
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Sorry, m’dear. Those lessons will keep going for as long as you do.
on 07/11 at 10:58 AM
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<-- Steal me!
