WebKittyn Warbles
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Old Friends & Bad Mojo
So things are pretty much major sucky all around right now, I'm losing my faith and my belief in happy endings. But I can still peer out from within my own muck and see *shudders* happy people and be happy for them. Kelly and John in their new home, my friend with the awesome 'machine' who posted for the first time in forever - how good to see you happy. Bob in his being giddy when talking of her, which is really quite cute. Yes, happy people and I enjoy their happiness.
But on my end of the stick, it's definitely all suck and not the 'it's tuesday' kind. I'll go into more detail tomorrow with a protected entry but it all sucks.
I did have something good last night though. Something that stuck with me and at the moment is the thing I look to for a break from the sad. An old friend did his usual every month or so appearance and we got to talking about nothing and everything. I still think you way-overestimate my worth, Doug, but I needed to hear something last night and there you were. I forgot how much I missed the late night talks about more nothing and everything. You would still be as grand as you are with or without my influence but thank you for saying it. I hope you stick around this time.
Tonight was bad. I'll omit the details but tonight was a bad mojo night. Tonight will leave residue and widen chasms. Tonight I learned things and tonight there were tears. I believe too easy, even now. I miss the days of the stoic, now I believe too easy and it leads to bad mojo. Tonight I felt stupid and attacked and stupid again.
But life, and shit, happens I suppose. I'm not the first and I won't be the last but for the moment it sucks and I use the moment to shape the future.
I think I need to get upstate and even if I can't afford Mt Tremper, I need to go spend a few days in Woodstock. It's primse season, maybe I'll actually find Todd Rundgren or REM or whatever musican is wandering town at the time. I need to spend the day in the village square with the people lost in time and discuss Timothy Leary with people who knew him while smoking homegrown. No one can be sad with that going on.
No more being stupid. That's one thing I can control, I need to stop believing everything I'm told when it's what I'm not told that seems to be what's real. I want to believe but I can't, it's almost like every time I believe the Fates send down the arrow pointing to the discovery that what I believed wasn't what is. So doy to me fo that.
Doy.
My head is up my ass, it's time to try to stop thinking.
<-- Steal me!
