Thursday, August 19, 2004

Reconnecting

Tonight was good for me in certain ways. There were some minor reconnections tonight, small steps towards reconnections, and I feel good about that. Not everything has to be a huge event and the small things matter.

"You are just a dreamer
but I am just a dream.
You could have been anyone to me.."

Neil Young made me do it. Now where was I. Reconnecting. I've been distant lately, a lot more than usual lately, even I started to feel it. Distant from things I can't be so distant from. But that's not really where I'm going with this.

There is one person in particular in my life whom I've been particularly distant from for a while now. To the point where I questioned if even a friendship was a possibility. A bastion of closed doors and walls I can't climb. Tonight there was a reconnection, a start of a mending of the souls I suppose. He seemed sad. Not outwardly sad but there was an innate sadness in him I felt. Not because of me, I'm not that full of myself to think it was because of me but there was sadness hanging over him.

But it felt good to reconnect with him even in a small way, it was a start and it felt good. I have missed him and it seemed like the walls weren't so high tonight, a short conversation was more real than any had in a long time with him and it made me smile and sad at the same time.

"The world weighs on my shoulders
But what am I to do?
You sometimes drive me crazy
But I worry about you
I know it makes no difference
To what you're going through
But I see the tip of the iceberg
And I worry about you..."

It felt good to reconnect and to reconnect minus the walls. I'd like to thing it's the start of further reconnection. For the time being, I'm content with this bit of progress and good juju. Feels right.

"Nothing is sacred,
so give me your soul, my love...
Nothing is wasted,
on someone like you..
Somebody killed me,
they tore out my heart, my love.
Somebody filled me
with photos of you..
Images of Heaven that take me to hell.."

Then later this evening I reconnected with one I see almost every day in the jacuzzi but have been pretty distant from as well. I would walk on fire for this guy if he needed it, if ever there was a true and loyal and solid friend it is this one.

What we talked about I won't post here, even in this place where I make no apologies neither will I air other people's laundry, be it dirty or clean. This isn't a gossip column and while I will be open and honest about myself and my own stuff, there will be no betrayal of the loyal here.

Suffice it to say it was a lengthy and pretty in-depth convo of substance. I was mostly just there to listen, he wasn't looking for advice or pats on the back. In fact in talking to him I had a bit of a revelation about myself, strange how it works that way.

I don't think I did him any good either, I think it was just about the reconnection with someone important and a sharing of the thoughts that you can do with the trusted ones. I needed it, I am grateful I was granted the opportunity.

Tonight I was reminded that even I need to reconnect with the people I care about, that even I need to reach out and extend a bit of myself to the people I care about and let them in if they request entrance. It was a reminder I needed, I feel better right now than I have in days, even with all that is bad in my world right now there really is a light at the end of the dark bad tunnel. And it's the small things that can be the strongest reminders.

I feel .. lucky. gifted by the Lady Fate.